Anybody who’s had a successful business will agree that building a successful enterprise requires a tremendous amount of resilience.
My recent struggles with my mental health have got me reading books and searching the internet a lot for information on how to build good mental resilience. And, of course, most information out there will pretty much say the same things:
- Eat right
- Exercise regularly
- Seek therapy
- Consider medication
- Etc.
But I recently came across a Ted Talk on the subject of resilience that didn’t mention any of the above, which I found interesting. The video is that of Lucy Hone.
In her talk, which I strongly recommend you seek and listen to, she talks about the 3 things resilient people have mastered and goes on to say that she’s used those 3 strategies to help her through some extremely difficult times. So, what are those 3 things?
Accepting that bad things happen.
Simply accepting that stupid sh*t will happen and thinking that we can live in a bubble where we can avoid it is just plain nonsense. Well, that may seem overly simple. We all know that. But do we really? I know that I often find myself thinking, “If I can get this problem resolved, it’ll be smooth sailing after.” And sure enough, sh*t happens (again), and I find myself a bit surprised that some new problem popped up. And I dare say that there are a lot of people who are much worse than me in this area, where they cannot believe what’s happening to them as if the whole world conspired against them and them alone. Which I think is something we’ve probably all felt at times when life is tough. I guess none of us are immune to the many life struggles. Nobody. But can we accept this?
Able to distinguish what we can and cannot change.
I think it includes our ability to work on what we can change and accept what we cannot. I think part of this skill requires that we be able to see the beauty in the world and not only the problems. That can be extremely difficult when we’re hurt. A friend of mine often reminds me of how the mind loves drama. OMG, does it ever? My mind has recently gotten so good at finding drama that I could teach it. So, can I curve this tendency to not only see the drama? Can I aggressively go to work at fixing whatever drama that’s truly there?
Is what I’m doing now helpful or not?
Put differently, am I reading the right books? Am I listening to the right YouTube videos or Podcasts? Is my connection to social media helping me to think better or not? And finally, am I hanging out with the right people? What have they got me thinking, doing, and becoming?
Part of the reason this video really resonated with me probably has a lot to do with my research on resilience. The most resilient person I’ve ever known was my father. Unbelievable resilience. Granted, much of it came from his incredible faith in God.
But having been born in 1909, he knew hardship far better than anyone I know. Imagine creating a special pair of pliers on the forge so that a family member can use it to pull out a sore tooth. Pa understood that life was really tough and was able, better than anyone I know, to also see the great, wonderful things it had to offer. Pa fully understood and accepted that bad things happen and was so very much at peace with that. Certainly, more than I am.
Pa also has an unbelievable ability to separate what he could change and what he could not. He worked incredible hours every day of his life to make things better. For his family, his neighbours and himself. As for the things he couldn’t control or change. Well, that was up to God to fix, and he was okay in trusting the Almighty. Wow! I wish I had that trust.
And finally, despite him having never gone to school past grade 4, he had an uncanny ability to know what helped him stay of sound mind and was able to fully discipline himself to work only on that.
Yes, I know, all this is easier said than done. But maybe, just maybe, the above will provide you with some tools to help you through those days when you simply want to give it all up. I hope it does.